...And the fish was thiiiis big

So in my life there are things I would like to pursue: perhaps a significant other, success in my art (however I plan to define that), or physical fitness. What I have found interesting is that if I go to each with a spreadsheet an charts mapping time, goals, expectations the lesser the chance of me walking away happy and fullfilled.

I have come to understand that none of them are instantaneous and each require that I live each day not with a specific goal, date, weight in mind but rather be conscious of good living. Instead of having a work-out schedule, I do karate when I am inclined to do so and as I do it more I find myself compelled. I talk to women without the motivation of dating and end up with enjoyable conversations and sincere friendship. I sit down to draw not with desire for adoration by others but just to have fun, to love what I put down on paper or on screen.

I think this is the key to being whole. If you measure your bits and parts in timetable, segmented by seconds and accounting the act, it become something less than life. Culturally happiness is often defined be succeeding in goals, but I am coming to believe less and less that is true. Some of the most magnificent moments in my life involve failing and by that fall discovering something more powerful.

This is one of two, two of the many.

Just another day really, touch typing this on one tab, pushing Gmail chat on another, reading a graphic novel on the third and looking at Charlotte's Flickr on the final tab. It has become a kind of drug, one that requires pushing my multitasking to new heights. Chat with three friends, read the NY Times, watch a movie, brain flickering and flooded. At some point it will become relevant, like the ability to build crude shelter, but when? I await my zenith with glee and no small amount of anticipation. It is my time to SHINE.

Instead I am in orbit, saluting other satellites as they pass with wordy, often misspelled and abbreviated salutations. At the whim of the great Magnet.